British Neolithic News
Hunters in crisis. The discovery of a bow left behind by Babylonian invaders spells trouble for the otherwise peaceful inhabitants of Windmill Hill, if for no other reason than the absence of page 2 of the operating manual (which explains what to do with the arrow).
Neolithic Man finds pneumatic drill. This incredible device is quickly replacing the antler in excavation of Long Barrows, reducing the time taken to dig a hole of 27 sq.cubits from 36 hours to 35½ hours. The time would be significantly reduced 4,000 years later with the invention of the air compressor.
Big Bluestone computers introduced. A lack of basic math combined with a very short memory span prompts introduction of early Megalithic processors. These crude devices allow numbers to be recorded over hundreds of years through the placement and accumulation of Very Large Stone Indicators (VLSI - geddit?).
Stones go Missing. The first "sniffer" dogs were used to help track stones stolen from a Stonehenge Neolithic computer. The stones were eventually traced to Wales, then Ireland, then Africa, and eventually to the back yard of one Geoffrey of Monmouth who claimed he had bought them from a dealer known simply as "Merlin".
Is Neolithic Man responsible for the worsening climate? Environmentalists warn that the widespread use of wood for pointless structures in honour of the living must cease and be replaced by equally pointless stone structures in honour of the dead.
Giants build Stonehenge! These pictures clearly show a warrior, possibly of Roman or Greek origin, towering over the central Trilithon and carrying a very large round disc which may be a satellite dish, paella plate, Frisbee, dustbin lid, LP vinyl record, sombrero, but definitely NOT A WHEEL (or hub cap) because they weren't invented then - OK!
Illustration Stonehenge And Avebury © 1959, HMSO